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When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?