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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?