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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.