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I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.