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Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.