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Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.