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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?