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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.