Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!