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Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
really vry funny
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.