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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.