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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC