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At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.