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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)