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My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Watching movies alone sucks. Thereยดs no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
Iยดll never be old enough to know better.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.