Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.