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No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.