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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.