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You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.