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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
You are here: X
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?