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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I put the o in illiterate!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.