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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.