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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.