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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.