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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.