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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.