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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
My favorite beer is the 15th one.