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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.