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Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
If I were Noah, Iād be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. ā The Opportunist