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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.