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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.