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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?