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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....