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Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
Hi Iām an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!