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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.