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Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. Iām gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.