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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject