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Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
How Big is Infinity?