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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?