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Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??