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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.