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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
You look like I need another drink
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face