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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?