Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you