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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”