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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.