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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
High fiving was the original "like".
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.