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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Mondays are middle finger approved
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.