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I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
My internet goes out more than I do.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.