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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.