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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?