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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"