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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.