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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.