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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
The three most terrifying words a woman can utter to a man are "notice anything different?"
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."