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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
life is too short to match socks
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!