Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.