Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.