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I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
I had your cake and ate it too.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!