Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.