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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I give myself the best presents.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.