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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things Iād go to hell for.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.