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I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
I need a new bad decision.