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I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.