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“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks