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Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.