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A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
“Knock him out.” – Mama
This post is just for you.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Hello...
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.