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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?