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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.