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One trenta cheeseburger please.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.