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I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
is available for rebound sex.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.