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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!