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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.