Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...