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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
If you tickle me, Iām not responsible for your injuries.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.