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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......