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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.