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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.