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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Hello...
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
There`s no WE in pizza.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes