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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
about love
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.