Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.