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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.