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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Iām back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.