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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.