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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.