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Smile, it confuses people. ;)
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.