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Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.