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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
This headache feels like dumb people
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.