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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.