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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...