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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.