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Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.