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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"