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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...