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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.