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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.