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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.