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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.