Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
Sex, do it for the kids.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
My pants are 75% off.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.