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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!