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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?