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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
Have you hugged you bartender today.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”