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I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.