Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.