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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."