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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
My mind has a mind of its own.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"