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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister